Scribblings

Autumn & Anticipation

Autumn has slipped beneath the doorways and settled on every surface, like a layer of dust. The first rumbles of Autumn called to me like a reprieve, following a Summer where the world seemed ready to be rid of us.

Autumn swept in to douse the flames and press moisture into the earth, and coax the plants back to life. It has been so nice to breathe easily for a minute, but Autumn is set to remind us that nothing remains easy for long.

Just as the earth has remembered how to be green, Autumn draws the leaves to an orange crisp. Now it’s difficult news which squeezes through the cracks and makes its way in, and it settles like soot. It’s a terrible thing to open your eyes in the morning, and first face a BREAKING NEWS, all painted red and burning hot, but each night before bed it seems such a terrible thing to leave your phone in a different room.

Autumn took a pause today, and Summer dropped in again, just to say hello. A stray Summer day in Autumn feels worth more than every Summer day in Summer. I wanted to melt into the garden and soak it up, photosynthesise all I need, and never return to humanity.

I wish we could always be in a state of transition. Always Spring into Autumn, with just a day or two of blistering heat or shattering cold wedged in between to keep us grateful. Always a comfort transitioning to an opportunity, blind anticipation, and easy optimism.

Anticipation of joy is the true joy. It’s why people love Fridays, and it’s why I love Spring, and early December, and counting down. We have too many expectations to find joy in the resolution, it’s all about imagining the resolution, and hoping that it will arrive in time.

It’s hard to anticipate joy in particularly difficult times, but there are small comforts to be found in most situations. I’m grateful to the people providing essential services at a time we’d all prefer to crawl into bed and hide. I’m grateful for the sunny day, the generosity of people in my community, and the high spirits managing to endure.

As in my last post, I’ll remind myself and anybody reading to remain kind. When put under pressure, let’s not turn inwards, let’s extend our generosity and gratitude and time to others. Even in isolation, or at distance, today we might prove somebody else’s small comfort.

Stay safe, follow the advice of those medical professionals and scientists who know best, and hold onto anticipation of the easier times that are somewhere on the horizon.

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